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Mental Health – MRPINKSTER

MRPINKSTER

Category: Mental Health

  • Decoding Stress: The Intricate Dance of Breathwork and Cold Exposure

    Decoding Stress: The Intricate Dance of Breathwork and Cold Exposure

    In the relentless pace of modern life, stress often takes centre stage, impacting both our physical and mental well-being. Statistics around burnout in the workplace are at record highs and stress levels keep rising.
    If you are feeling the weight of stress in your life there’s an invigorating combination that might help you chill out before you burn out.
    Before we get to that, I’d like to share a little context.
    One of the main drivers in me founding Force Forward & becoming a Wim Hof Instructor, in addition to my daytime Technologist role, was experiencing burnout for myself. In 2018 I left the job I’d been in for twelve years & loved for over ten of those. Being brutally honest, the last eighteen months were a nightmare and my perceived stress levels all but went unmanaged. Looking back, the signs that all was not well, were there. Simply put, I failed to act soon enough.
    Before I dive into this new study, I thought perhaps I’d share just some of the signs that I wish I’d acted upon. Obviously this is just my experience and the list is by no means exhaustive, but I think it paints enough of a picture of what to be on the look out for.

    10 EARLY SIGNS OF BURNOUT That, if not addressed, can lead to bigger, more significant problems:

    1. Fatigue:
      Feeling persistently tired, both physically and emotionally.
    2. Decreased Performance:
      A noticeable decline in professional and / or personal performance, accompanied by a lack of motivation and active engagement.
    3. Increased Irritability:
      Becoming easily frustrated, irritable, or impatient, even in situations that typically wouldn’t provoke such reactions.
    4. Cynicism and Detachment:
      Developing a cynical or detached attitude towards work, colleagues and personal responsibilities, accompanied by feelings of disillusionment.
    5. Reduced Concentration:
      Difficulty focusing, concentrating, or making decisions, often accompanied by forgetfulness and decreased attention span.
    6. Physical Symptoms:
      Experiencing various physical symptoms. Itchy skin and inflammation, bloating, stomach issues and changes in appetite and sleep patterns.
    7. Loss of Enjoyment:
      Really should have noticed this sooner. A decline in the ability to find joy or satisfaction in activities that were once pleasurable, both at work and in personal life.
    8. Increased work from home (or sick) days:
      Obviously this happened pre-pandemic and looking back to those eighteen months, way more days than usual were spent working from home. I’ve never liked taking time off sick, but often just found it easier to log on from home.
    9. Neglecting Self-Care:
      My weight steadily increased to an all time heaviest and unfittest through neglecting personal needs and self-care activities. Exercise, relaxation & hobbies went by the way side in favour of work-related demands and regularly sedating with alcohol.
    10. Social Withdrawal: Withdrawing from social interactions, both at work and in personal life, and experiencing a sense of isolation. At the time I needed them most, I cut myself off from friends.

      I think it’s important to note that experiencing one or two of these signs occasionally is completely normal. However, if these signs persist over an extended period and start to interfere significantly with daily life, it may well indicate burnout.
      Recognising these signs early on and taking proactive steps to address them can help prevent burnout from escalating into more severe mental and physical health issues.
      Seeking support from friends, family or professional help is crucial when navigating burnout.

    It’s also worth saying before diving into what the study showed around the combination of cold exposure and breathwork, the two of these must be balanced alongside close attention to healthier lifestyle choices like diet & nutrition, hydration, exercise & sleep.

    So, the study!
    “Positive effects of combined breathing techniques and cold exposure on perceived stress: a randomized trial” by Cristopher Siegfried Kopplin & Louisa Rosenthal, suggests that embracing the cold, coupled with intentional breathing, can have remarkable benefits for reducing stress.

    Insights from the Study:

    Participants engaged in deliberate breathwork exercises paired with cold exposure. The findings revealed a significant reduction in perceived stress levels among participants. The synergy between controlled breathing and exposure to cold stimuli appeared to amplify the stress-relief effects, offering a promising avenue for those seeking natural stress management techniques. 

    So, How Does It Work?
    The combination of breathwork and cold exposure taps into the body’s ability to adapt and respond positively to stressors. 

    Breathwork:
    Controlled breathing techniques activate the parasympathetic nervous system, AKA the “rest and recovery or rest & digest” system, which counterbalances the stress response by promoting relaxation and and restoring equilibrium. 

    Cold Exposure:
    Cold exposure is a form of hormetic stress, a concept that suggests exposure to manageable stressors can enhance resilience and adaptation. 

    It prompts the body to adapt positively becoming a catalyst for physiological changes, fostering resilience against the effects of chronic stress.

    Cold exposure initiates vasoconstriction, the narrowing of blood vessels, followed by vasodilation, their expansion. This dynamic process not only regulates blood flow but also contributes to improved circulation and oxygenation of tissues. The controlled stress of cold exposure enhances the flexibility of the cardiovascular system, a key component in stress resilience.

    The combination of breathwork and cold exposure harmoniously engages both the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches, facilitating a dynamic balance in the body’s stress response. Furthermore, this combination has been associated with the controlled release of cortisol (the primary stress hormone, often elevated during chronic stress.), allowing practitioners to influence their hormonal response to stress.

    Empowering You:
    By understanding the intricate dance between breathwork & cold exposure, individuals gain a toolkit for stress management.  This empowers practitioners to take an active role in their stress response, fostering resilience and well-being.
    As you embark on your journey of stress modulation, consider this: the cold is not just a physical challenge; it is an ally in the quest for balance. 
    By tapping into the wisdom of controlled stress and engaging the body’s intricate mechanisms, we unlock the door to a more resilient, harmonious existence.

    The Fun Side of Stress Reduction:

    Stress-busting doesn’t have to be all serious. Imagine yourself conquering stress while having a real chilled adventure! (Who didn’t love snowball fights as a kid.. you never complained about the cold back then did you?) Picture your worries melting away like snowflakes in the winter sun. 

    Here’s a playful question for you: If your stress had a temperature, what would it be, hot or cold? Unlikely you answered cold right… We don’t call it getting hot under the collar for no reason. Well, imagine how a burst of cold and focussed breathwork could help you to chill out! 

    Discover the Chill Factor:
    Our upcoming workshops in February aim to guide you through the transformative journey of combining breathwork and cold exposure. (and for the science geeks we have plenty more of that too) 

    The primary goal is to educate you on the science-backed benefits of this practice. It’s not just about stress reduction – it’s about unlocking your body’s potential for resilience and well-being.
    These workshops are more than just events – they’re opportunities to discover a cooler, calmer you. 

    I’d love to invite you to explore this fascinating world of stress management with me. Please, feel free to ask questions & share your thoughts, I’m still very much learning too.

    Finally, for those still reading, I’ve not even touched on the third pillar of the Wim Hof Method yet.. Mindset and commitment.. That’s one for another day, but without it, you probably wont even consider trying the other two.

    Stay tuned for more updates, and if you like let’s embark on this journey to reduced stress and an energised life together!
    PS – Yes, that actually is me in 2017. A lot less happy and a lot less healthy. What more can I say.

    #JFDI

  • No One is Going to Come Help You: The Power of Self-Responsibility

    No One is Going to Come Help You: The Power of Self-Responsibility

    Powerful words from David Goggins.

    “No one is going to come help you. No one is coming to save you.” 

    I posted the above quote on social media today and wasn’t expecting what followed.

    I received a lot of “You ok? posts”, phone calls and a fair amount of concern it seems.

    I get that. I’m seen as someone who brings positivity to people.
    On one hand, the response reminded me that there are always people watching that care.

    Also, I find myself reflecting on a personal journey that’s been both challenging and illuminating.

    For the past four years, I’ve poured my heart and soul into Force Forward, a mission aimed toward championing physical and mental well-being of our ex-forces. Re-connecting and supporting ex-colleagues & friends, sharing stories and inspiring action. 

    The stark reality of friends losing their lives to the pitfalls of alcohol has been a haunting motivator, one that almost claimed me too. The camaraderie amongst my old colleagues is vehemently recognisable, yet with every passing day, I feel less like the person I used to be. 

    A recent reunion served as poignant reminder; an old friend drank too much & fell asleep in a jacuzzi—an unsettling snapshot of the challenges faced. Let’s not consider the ‘What if’s’ here. We got him out and he was fine…  

    Embracing the Uncomfortable Truth

    Life can be tough, and many among us face challenges daily. Societal conditioning moulds us to often discourage seeking help. After getting help myself a few years ago I started Force Forward, to help others. Each of my endeavors, including reunions, creation of online programs, free events, the #JFDI podcast & radio shows, and most recently qualifying as a Wim Hof instructor (cold water therapy and breathwork) have come at a significant personal cost. Financially, I have invested thousands of pounds and whilst this was never about ‘making money’ there are moments when it feels like the ‘well-being’ point I’ve been striving for has been missed.

    The Illusion of Social Media Support

    In the age of social media, we find virtual spaces where people seemingly ‘reach out.’ However, this can be deceptive. Many suffer in silence, never truly asking for help due to the stigma attached to vulnerability. The carefully constructed show reels of our lives we present on social platforms often mask the battles within.

    And whilst these platforms offer a semblance of connection, they cannot replace the power of authentic human interaction. Behind the likes and shares, there’s a deeper need for real conversations, for acknowledging that it’s okay not to be okay.

    The Brave Act of Asking for Help

    Asking for help is an act of bravery. However, the journey doesn’t end there. 

    The true challenge lies in being prepared to put in the work. 

    Goggins’ words are a call to action. They remind us that self-responsibility doesn’t stop at seeking help; it extends to the relentless commitment to confronting our inner battles head-on and doing the uncomfortable work required for lasting change. 

    I see too many people still flatly refusing to admit they have a problem. Many acknowledge they need to make changes but perhaps life hasn’t kicked them hard enough to make those changes yet. 

    Then there are those too afraid to break from their norm, through fear of being mocked by a ‘work hard – play hard’ culture. 

    Answer this please anyone… 

    Why is it still socially acceptable to poison the body and willingly impact ones physical and mental health? 

    Every time scientists have convened in the last 20 or more years, alcohol has ranked as the most dangerous drug, most recently ranked as three times more dangerous than cocaine.

    And yet…. 

    Look, I’m no angel and my past is what it is. I’m in no way anti-drink.. but please, dont tell me you are living a ‘happy life’ that involves numbing your senses with alcohol every weekend (or every day) You’re kidding nobody!  At the same time, zero judgement here. Everyone has to let loose every now and then but at what cost?

    Breaking Free from Excuses

    Blaming others, making excuses, and hiding behind habits that don’t serve us are pitfalls on the path to self-improvement but the onus is on us to take control of our narratives. That requires a deep, internal commitment to change and the courage to face uncomfortable truths about ourselves.

    I’ve had lots of excuses of my own in the past! 

    The #JFDI mindset was born when, through action, I dispelled many of these myths, smashed through procrastination and just got on with it. 

    I used to have so much need for external validation… but along the way I realised we are all just making it up as we go. Another great read ‘The Subtle Art of not Giving a F%^K’ by Mark Manson helped me realise that so many of these thoughts we have  about others perceptions of us are just that… our thoughts. Most of the time, other people are far too consumed with their own lives to be giving much thought to ours.

    I like to believe that nowadays I choose the F%&K’s I give wisely. And, much like in my earlier years, have reverted to giving very few f*&k’s where it does not serve me. 

    That has brought realisation— and a couple of pivotal moments have led me to believe it’s time for another shift. 

    In the face of personal sacrifices, financial setbacks, and the persistent need for change, I recently approached my local council to ask if my passions & skills could be of use.  Four months on and the weekly breathwork & cold water exposure at a local hub is already proving a success. On week 2 one lady told me she thought that on Week 1 I was lying about the inflammatory benefits of cold water exposure.. but within a week, she was amazed at the difference it had made to her life. And the testimonials continue.
    This calling to redirect my energy towards my community, which urgently needs support, feels like the right time to shift Force Forward’s endeavours. 

    Conclusion: The Journey of Self-Rescue

    The journey of self-rescue is not about waiting for a saviour; it’s about becoming one for ourselves. It’s about understanding that, while asking for help is an essential step, the real transformation happens when we actively participate.

    So, the next time life gets tough, remember, no one is coming to save you. 

    But also remember that within you lies the power to navigate through the storm, emerge stronger, and become the hero of your own story.

    It’s a journey of self-responsibility, courage, and the unwavering belief that you are indeed capable of changing whatever it is you need to.

    And me.. well, whilst my initial efforts may not have yielded the rewards I hoped for, they have sparked a realisation that my focus needs redirection. Podcasts, radio shows and Force Forward events may well return.

    Now feels like the right time to be more mindful of what I post and where I post it… Social media platforms have served as a means of connection but they’ve also, at times, obscured the genuine struggles behind curated profiles. Something I think we should all consider.

  • Cut the Clutter, Free the Mind.

    Cut the Clutter, Free the Mind.

    Could reducing physical clutter, make you happier?

    A couple of months ago I was talking to a friend about our interpretations of the ‘practical application’ of mindfulness. This was the same pal who I’d spoken to when I wanted to do more public spoken word. The same person who offered me the following advice when I asked if he thought my poetry was decent enough to post on social media.
    True our military roots he said
    “JFDI mate. What do you have to lose.”
    I published the poem on social media about how we can use mindfulness to help improve our mental health. It touched on a few things that we can be mindful in, including reading, writing, eating & of course listening to the blues (or any music for that matter really) Those are but a few examples.
    It got me to thinking about how, in the eighteen months or so since enrolling in the mindfulness practitioner course, I’ve engaged in a lot of mindfulness conversation and debate. Almost all of which has been completely theoretical.
    Now, don’t get me wrong… I’m not about to ditch my mindfulness practises.
    Diving into the Philosophy of the Whole, including Mind, body and soul, the Trinity of human functioning covering universal mind, consciousness and thought, not forgetting the core assumptions of mindfulness has all been quite enlightening. However, much like anything, get too wrapped up in the theory and there can be a tendency to get lost in it. How then do we apply a healthy balance between all the theory and actually doing something tangible with it?

    Whether this is a good analogy or not, I’m going to put it out there. IT colleagues, take agile delivery. There’s no denying that has changed our lives, but quite often, especially for those that dwell on the ‘evangelic’ side of Agile, it can often get in the way of actually doing any ‘real’ work. Now, for anyone who’s sipped the cool aid and wants a debate, this just an example. I get that with clear definitions of roles and blah blah blah, there should be no grey area between consultation & implementation. And yet still.. I’m prepared to bet most have experienced this.
    Moving on swiftly with perhaps a more generic example… How many times have you participated in some kind of process improvement group /workshop where it ends up just being a talking shop and actually nothing gets done or improves at all.
    Perhaps I’m beginning to sound a little judgmental, which in tying it back to ‘Mindfulness’, is indeed the whole the point of what we are trying to avoid being.
    My point remains though, how do we find a good balance between theory and action? How do we ‘practically’ apply mindfulness?
    Well, in keeping with the idea of being present with an intention, I’ve been mulling over the idea that some of the nonsense that creeps into my mind occurs when I’m not solving problems. This has made a lot of sense to me and therefore, also explains why using meditation has worked to help ‘divert’ my mind onto focussing on other things.
    So, when I stumbled across a documentary on Netflix called The Minimalists and heard about one of their challenges known simply as #minsgame it sounded like an ideal tangible distraction.
    Very simple. The challenge is one you undertake against one other person and involves removing as much clutter as possible from your life in a month. You get rid of one item on day one, two on day two, three on day three and so forth. Any items in your house counts, from trinkets to old books with nothing taboo. As long as you dispose of said items by midnight on the same day it counts.
    The person who goes the longest wins.
    In my case, I chose to challenge my eldest daughter. OK, first, I asked my wife who told me she ‘throws nothing out’ so I asked my daughter who is about leave home in Sep for Uni. Perfect opportunity for her to get rid of some old stuff she thought.
    How has it been? Well, the first ten days or so seemed pretty easy. We had a five day amnesty whilst I went on my nephews stag do in Benidorm, which is another story for another day.
    It started to get tougher and I found myself bringing boxes from the garage and loft for both of us.
    Overall we both found it massively rewarding. It was in fact quite cathartic, liberating and refreshing, disposing of old stuff. The memories flooded back for a start. Some stuff sparked the same emotions as it always had and initially I thought ‘I can’t throw that out’. “I’ll use that one day” “I might need that if…”
    But when I asked more questions like “When will I really need this again” or “What purpose does this now serve” I realised that the right thing to do was acknowledge that it had once been of use in my life and longer was. And so it was time to chuck it.
    I’ve made some tough decisions and of course there were some things I could not bear to part with.
    Overall though, during the course of the month, this exercise has shown me a few things.
    Hundreds of memories have been rekindled for starters. However, in discarding hundreds of items (465 to be precise), I’ve realised that I’m not discarding any of the memories.

    Also, whilst occupying my mind with the ‘doing of something’ it has distracted it from wandering into periods of ‘just thinking’.
    Do I think the exercise can be considered one of practically applying mindfulness?
    Well, as far as being present with an intention is concerned it ticked that box.
    Letting go of such a large number of material objects certainly required me to question previous thinking too.
    In itself, a reminder that if we can apply that to material objects it can also be applied to the way we approach our state of mind. Yes indeed, I’m back to the theory again. It had me thinking about how we should always constantly question our previous thinking, particularly where perhaps it’s the type of thinking that’s not serving us anymore.
    Yes, great, but did it make me happier.
    You know what… I do believe I detected increased levels of happiness throughout the month of Jun.
    Whether that was specifically down to the #minsgame or not, I can’t be 100% certain.
    Perhaps getting the latest Mrpinkster book published, contributed. Stag do in Benidorm? Book festival I attended?
    What I am certain of is this.
    Like most other people, my mind has told me I can’t do things and that I’m not good enough… for years.
    I’ve also known that accepting or giving into this is not just closed mind thinking, but can be unhealthy and contribute massively to a lack of confidence, self doubt and ultimately unhappiness.

    All of the things that I’d decided to just get on with and do last month, required me to concentrate more on those important things in my life that The Minimalist guys spoke about.
    Each activity fed or required commitment to health, relationships, my passions, personal growth and contribution.
    As cheesy as many people think it is, the exercise has been a real practical example that happiness really does come from within.
    The negative chatter will always be there but thats good. We can use that to motivate ourselves and push ourselves. Meditation works for me to allow the mind a period of freedom in the day.
    But what I’m starting to see is that true mindfulness is in doing and being present with whatever that action is.
    I surprised myself this month. Before taking time to think myself out of having a huge clear out, I told myself the exact same thing my friend had. And it’s the same advice I offer you now. If you’re procrastinating about doing something. Don’t think – just f’ing do it.
    You might be surprised how much happier it makes you.

    GR

  • Loft55 – The Journey so far!

    Loft55 – The Journey so far!

    Loft55 is a clothing line started by my old friend Ali Back.
    Thing is, it’s not just a clothing line.

    In fact it’s about as far from ‘just a clothing line’ as it gets. There’s a message which is underpinned by some stellar ethics. It’s about bringing people together in our physical communities. Born out of a love of social gatherings, good music, good style and vintage military attire, it’s attracting a growing community.
    If you’re interested in the background and ethos behind it, you can read all about it in the first post here.
    As it happens, that was almost exactly a year ago.
    “How do you fancy doing a follow up interview” I recently asked founder Ali. Of course he was only too happy to oblige.

    First of all, I’m interested to find out how people have responded to Loft55 in the 12 months since it launched?
    He’s keen to get stuck right in, and thanks me for asking.
    He’s been really humbled by the response, which has come from friends as far back as primary school & old work mates from his time in the military. Communities he was part of from Somerset to Scotland, Newcastle, London and Brighton, have responded along with many others connecting in the online world.
    The number of people is not the important thing though. So what is? In Ali’s own words,
    “Lots of good people from all walks of life people spread out across the world, including the UK, Spain, Cuba & Japan. Incredible to be connected and engaged with people like this.”

    When we talked initially about aspirations, Ali told us it was more about the journey than an end goal. A year on then, I was keen to find out what the journey been like.
    He tells me it’s very much a day to day thing. Rather than think about the direction, he’s just letting things happen.
    “The enthusiasm is incredible. To think, it’s really a platform to celebrate ‘physical community’ through clothing.
    I feel very much more connected to who I would like to be and what I value in everyday life.”
    The designing, he enthuses, is flowing along comfortably. The sweatshirts have been a ‘banger’ and the last military bag found a new home just 6 hrs out of the workshop.
    He allows himself a brief look back to consider.
    “If I told my 7 year old self that would have happened? Insane !!! Literally this could go anywhere and I like the uncertainty.”

    So, there’s clearly been a lot of fun whilst learning along the way. But what’s been the most enjoyable part of it?
    He gives this some thought as there’s different aspects. Design wise, he’s really enjoyed the repurposing of the military bags. Collaborating with friend and local craftswoman Paula Kirkwood, (who he credits with many of the ideas, and ‘putting in the graft in the workshop’) has been both rewarding and enjoyable.
    On the human side, he’s really enjoyed applying the personal touch in the process.
    “I get to actually stop and think about the person. Be they an old friend or new acquaintance. It all helps. Especially when I write my little thank you cards. That really focuses my mind and helps me to reflect on the community I am part of or have been part of with that very person. It’s good to get off the treadmill sometimes and reflect or count ones blessings. Everyone should try writing letters to people in any shape or form.”

    What’s the biggest thing you’ve learnt, I ask.
    Ali tells me he’s realised that it’s ok to step out on your own as a creative person and tell your own story.
    “For years when I was djing I always felt inadequate. I covered this by being part of something that didnt have my name all over it. Sure, people knew it was me but I didnt feel comfortable showing it. Now through Loft55 Ive learnt that it’s ok to put your  name to something as failure or success isnt what it’s about. Just ride the wave and tell your story. Have a positive motive and be authentic with it. If you do that then that is all its about. Thats why I can feel comfortable designing clothes. Im nearly 50. By rights this shouldnt be what a 50 year old man starts to do in life. Sod that !!! I’m jumping straight in with both feet.”
    Well, Amen to that brother!

    We move on to talk more about the message behind LOFT55. Ali maintains a pragmatic view here that delivering this is a work in progress. He’s noticed genuine enthusiasm from people though and expresses gratitude at Loft55 being supported with him as the chap behind it all.
    Where he does consider success already is that the community aspects are all tying in very nicely with the clothing & musical aspects.
    “All of it works together as a creative piece, made easier when you let it flow. Friends are friends with or without music and parties. I used to try and force things until I met my wife (Nic) She changed my whole view.”
    Co-incidentially, he has a daytime outdoor party in a month and is doing both the music and clothing thing.
    He’s looking forward to this and tells me…
    “This is perfect as I believe that neither are mutually exclusive. If you’re into the experience of being around people, combining the experience of sampling clothing, can make it a lot more interesting. The high street could learn a thing or two in my opinion from that. Time will tell.”

    Keeping in the same vein of the Loft55 message, I ask about one of the more sensitive aspects that helped ignite the venture in the first place. Ali had spoken in our first interview about overcoming anxiety through mindfulness, which helped not just his state of mind but led to a pride in his appearance and ultimately the interest in clothing. I’m curious to find out if mindfulness continued to play a part in the journey?
    “A massive part” he tells me.
    “From writing peoples names in my note book to sewing buttons on duck hunter camo shirts. It’s all a mindful practice in so many varied forms. Literally stopping and thinking about people in a positive way is one of the best mindful activities I have discovered. I’m beginning to realise that you can potentially find mindfulness in any thing you do. That in itself is an incredible journey to be on.”

    And what would you say to anyone else wanting to be a little more mindful?
    “Give it a go. Dont think about outcomes. That’s where I went wrong at the start. I was trying to end my anxiety. No no no. It’s not about ending it’s about accepting and changing the relationship You have with your mental health.” With understanding comes knowledge. With knowledge comes power and with power comes the ability to change. Simple!”

    As always, it’s been great catching up with my old friend, but we’re not quite finished yet.
    I’ve thrown a load of questions at him so ask if he wants to take his time to deliberate over the remainder, but he’s on a roll now. Time for some quick fire then…

    Sum up the Loft55 vibe in three words?
    New York / Brighton / Vietnam. OK, they’re actual places but same as day one. Loft55 is the platform inspired by the people, music and history of all three locations I have a connection with.

    Name one song that captures the essence of Loft55?
    Ouch …. Ive got a whole heap of music to think about here. Club dancer, raver, dj, party host, Ive heard most things by now. OK, Have to go for
    ‘Love Is The Message’ by MFSB (Danny Krivit Re-Edit) 
    It’s a time and space thing as much as it is a piece of music. Would of loved to of heard this when it was released on a great sound system at a great party filled with amazing human beings there in the moment.  My wild assumption is that dancefloors will never have that going on anymore what with mobile phones and all that stuff. Hope Im proved massively wrong though as a fully connected dancefloor locked into the moment is a truly beautiful thing to be part of.

    Any recommended listening?
    If you’re feeling brave, search some 91-92 rave mixes on Youtube.
    I also have a 5 hr mix on mixcloud thats good for dinner parties and late night gin n tonics with friends and loved ones.

    As well as your own military background, are there more influences in this theme?
    This stems back to when I was 7 years old. I was looking through my Mums Kays Catalogue and found a pair of kids Olive Green Combat Trousers I liked the look of. My Mum kindly got them for me and that was that really. A fan of military clothing for over 40 years.

    Is there any advice you’d give anyone thinking about doing something new or different?
    Hell yeah !! This comes from Nic – Just F**king Do It  (JFDI)  If you set yourself a goal or outcome then the whole thing can become solely about achievement. Take that aspect out then it becomes something totally different. My view being, if you’re doing something / anything then that’s a great outcome in itself. I would have missed out on so much in my first year if I had set goals.

    Is there anything you’d change or do differently?
    Nothing at all. Trial and error. Onwards, upwards and sideways (occasionally) I’m also pleased that I still dont have a website. I did set up one of those custom built ones (Big Cartel) but I sacked it off early on.

    Before we wrap it up, and on behalf of the growing Loft55 community I ask if there’s anything being added to the range that we should keep our eye out for. Sticking with the brand ethos, he’s just going with the flow.
    There’s been a few new pieces in the form of re-purposed military duffle bags that have been snapped up but nothing else immediately planned. As we are coming to realise though, that means something will come up sooner or later.

    Where will Loft55 be in another year? Who knows!
    What seems pretty clear is that the journey will continue in the same fashion as it has so far.
    For Ali, that involves appreciating people, pushing his creativity & enjoying how his confidence has developed. Discovering, learning all the time as he approaches 50 years of age.
    Most of all though, he’ll be enjoying the ever growing community as much as they’continue to enjoy the evolution and journey of ‘their little club’ Loft55.

  • Are We on the Right Path?

    Are We on the Right Path?

    Earlier this month I spoke at a poetry open mic event. I’ve attended a few in the past, so it might appear that this was merely the re-kindling of a passion that life had just got in the way of. To me though, it felt like a huge step.
    In the past, finding the courage to recite poetry in front of my poetic peers resulted in an immediate buzz. I would experience a massive high as I stood up, soaking in every second of the performance, the applause, the excitement, all fuelled by the passion, heart & considerable time spent crafting the poem. This transferred into a single performance, usually lasting no more than 5 minutes leaving me exhilarated for about 24 hours.

    In bitter contrast, the days that followed yielded periods of depression & self-doubt. Within a couple of weeks I would convince myself I was a fraud who didn’t deserve to share a stage with the ‘talented people.’ I told myself my poetry wasn’t good enough. I felt I was just embarrassing myself and others and that I should stop. And then the rabbit hole would open up and I’d disappear right down it.

    The truth is, it’s not just poetry this has applied to in my life. Over the years I’ve battled some pretty dark thoughts, inflicted by life’s harshest critic… myself.
    My abilities and effectiveness as a father, husband, son, brother, uncle, friend, writer, coach, mentor and finally, but by no means least, Technologist have all been fair game for my own critical mind. Those words, my own critical mind. To most of you who know me this may be the first time you are aware of this, I am told that I have hidden it very well, perhaps too well.
    I want to tell you all that I’ve struggled with my mental health over the years. Like so many, until now, I’ve not really spoken about it, certainly not written about it in detail.
    There are two reasons for that:

    Firstly, I convinced myself there was nothing wrong. Surely, everyone has these kinds of feelings? The alarm goes off at 0630. I switch it off but don’t want to get out of bed. I want to crawl under the covers and remove all possibility of having to face anyone.
    Thoughts of being caught out as a fraud taunt me. I hear a little part of my brain telling me that today might be the day that those who haven’t already caught on will see me for what I am. An imposter! This could be the day that my facade as the IT professional and wannabe poet /writer is exposed for what it is. A distraction from the fact that this is a man the world would be better off without.
    I think about family and friends, how it might be better if my world just ends.
    Yes, I thought this was normal. It is not; it may be common but it is never normal.

    Secondly, talking about mental health still feels like a huge risk professionally. Nobody should feel they are putting their livelihood, promotion prospects or suitability for a particular opportunity on the line by talking about mental health.
    Lots of great work is being done to raise Mental Health awareness and to promote well-being in many companies; however, a stigma is still attached to Mental Health issues, resulting in people not talking for fear of discrimination.
    This needs to be addressed.

    I have only now found the courage to speak out. I’ve made a few breakthroughs recently and have taken control of more aspects of my life. I made some changes last year that have helped enormously and I’ve shared my experiences with a few close friends; some of whom talked of similar problems. Taking inspiration from them has helped me open up. As a big boxing fan, hearing Tyson Fury dedicate his recent inspirational comeback to mental health sufferers was perhaps the final catalyst to highlight my plight.

    Although my problems have been with me for many years, 2017 was a particularly bad year for my mental health. 2015-16 was a transformative period in my professional career, and self-doubt started to creep in around the end of 2016. By the summer of 2017 I had lost all but a grain of self-confidence. Professionally, I was convinced there were individuals actively trying to demoralise & undermine the value I added to my team. I put myself under an enormous amount of pressure to deliver change in an environment that I would soon realise was no longer in my gift to influence. In my mind, I shouldered the blame, but only a few people saw the full extent of the mental health issues I was facing. My doctor wasted no time in prescribing a course of anti- antidepressants and recommended cognitive based therapy.

    My summer holiday couldn’t come quick enough & I relaxed completely whilst abroad. The doctor had also suggested meditation, something I was already keenly interested in following a trip to India in 2009. I thought making this a more routine practise on holiday could help and the added scientific credence from my doctor validated that decision. As the pressure lifted on holiday, it became very clear I had to find a new job. I wouldn’t rush it, but I knew it was time to move on.
    The meditation helped me re-focus; therefore, I decided to make that practice a daily one, for as long as I could. I returned to work in August 2017 more content. After considering a number of options I negotiated my resignation by Christmas for Feb 2018.
    Around the same time, a few other things happened.
    I planned a long walk with a friend for May 2018. The Camino de Santiago, referred to as the Camino, or Way. It had been years in the planning but the planets had eventually aligned. I also started to study Neuroplasticity and the workings of the brain including how to re-wire it. With a meditation practise now a consistent part of my daily routine I undertook Mindfulness practitioner training. I also felt it was the time was right to stop taking the pills. I left my job and after a good period of decompression, my return to the world of Technology conveniently coincided with arriving back from the Camino.

    The walk was the Portuguese variant of the Camino de Santiago. Over 9 days, my good friend and I travelled approximately 200 miles from Vila do Conde (a small town about 15 miles north of Porto) to Santiago de Compostela in Spain.
    We documented the journey on social media and the support we received along the way, from friends, family and fellow pilgrims, kept our spirits high and motivated us to push through some of the mental and physical challenges we faced each day.
    Doing my bit to help promote another friend’s fledgling clothing brand, Loft 55 (separate blog here) meant a lot to because of the shared experiences in our journeys.
    The walk itself, the wonderful sights, great food & drink, wonderful people, each with their own story, and the camaraderie with my travel companion helped put everything into perspective. The full story of that is for another day.

    I returned with some insights and truths about myself which had to be acted upon. I also had to work out a way of just letting some stuff go. The things I learnt about myself were by no means new, but I knew I had never completely addressed them.
    I resolved to address (and see through) everything that was important to me. I also realized that it would take time, not all can be changed in one go. These were the four steps I decided to take immediately.

    1) Take complete accountability for my life

    We have a tendency to blame anyone or anything other than ourselves, it is human nature. Think of all your recent interactions at home, with friends and at work. Whether through virtual interaction such as social media, email etc or face to face interaction, I wager we’ve all shouldered blame on someone or something other than ourselves in the last 24 hours.
    “That team are always holding us up, {insert expletive here}”
    “If it wasn’t for {enter name of choice here}, everything would be great”
    To take ‘complete accountability’ for our lives, then we have to stop ‘blaming others’ right?
    It’s easy to blame other people, bad luck or situations but not so easy to own our own shortcomings. Conversely, we shouldn’t be afraid to challenge others when we believe they are wrong and feel they should be looking inward as well. As long as we try to deal with things from a place of compassion, we can’t go too wrong. We may even be thanked, sometimes. We should, however, never look to pick the splinter from another’s eye and fail to see the plank in ours. I feel confident that I have begun the necessary process to take complete accountability for the things I am accountable for in my life.

    2) Overcome adversity

    As human beings, we are adequately equipped to overcome adversity. I am no different. On the Camino I faced many physical and mental challenges. Pain, like everything in life, is not permanent. The Camino experience helped me wake up & remember a number of professional and personal periods of adversity that I have overcome in my life.
    Now, I’ve accepted and seen that I will overcome life’s obstacles. Some I may not be able to deal with immediately but they will not be forever ignored. Striving to move forward is the key factor. There will be more obstacles but there will also be better times. And yes, those obstacles include the thoughts that come into my head. But it is clearer to me now than ever, that I’m bigger than any of the problems I encounter, not the other way round.

    3) Be easier on myself

    This is the hardest step of all for me.
    I am not perfect but every day I learn a little more. On the walk I heard some pretty astonishing things about myself, some from people I had only just met. One person told me they could see a big loving spirit in my eyes.
    I was also told I must believe in the powerful love I spread, as it can touch people’s souls.
    Pretty powerful I thought.
    Believe me when I say I’m not telling you any of this for self-gratification, to be smug or to proclaim “Hey, Look at me, I’m great.”
    I hope that my words may echo with you as I have found many of the people I have met in my life have the same self- doubts as I. Unfortunately, my experiences have shown me that we all find this pretty hard to accept.
    I now realise that to add value to your own life and help other people, you must start by being capable of ‘loving yourself.’ I never did that through many of the scrapes I’ve had in my life. I set the standards so high for myself that the best of the best would have struggled to hit them. When I failed to achieve perfection I would metaphorically beat myself up. This was rarely in a healthy, reflective manner, rather, it was self-deprecating, negative and ultimately, damaging. I’m finally getting better at accepting who I am and being able to identify and celebrate the small wins along the journey.

    4) Spend more time talking

    The Camino de Santiago showed me the way of the pilgrim. It also taught me that talking about our troubles is a powerful healer. In the past I fell foul to a vicious circle of retreating into myself when times were tough. Dwelling on things my mind had conjured up would result in me hiding away from the world for long periods of time.
    Part of taking accountability has meant identifying a lot of the triggers.
    That has been a difficult lesson but I’m beginning to be able to spot the signs more quickly. Acknowledgement and ownership of our problems is crucial, it allows us to avoid going on a downward spiral which ultimately swallows us up into a rabbit hole. As soon as I see the signs, one of the first things I do is talk. Whether it’s picking up the phone or meeting up with people, I talk. I have found the human interaction important and hugely beneficial. It doesn’t have to be about what’s going on in my head although sometimes that helps.
    For those that know me well, I must add another little jewel here. Just as important as the talking, has been listening to what others have to say. I mean really listening.
    Really being present, concentrating on what they are telling you. Not thinking about where you have to be next or what you’re going to say next, but really showing them how important, what they have to say is to you.
    Because that is when you learn you are never alone.

    There we go. The Camino made me realise how vulnerable and imperfect we all are.
    It also reinforced that we are resilient and can push ourselves further than we believe.
    Working together, we can pretty much achieve anything we put our minds to.
    For now, I’m confident that I’m on the right path. I might not be entirely sure where the next leg of my journey will take me, but I’ve never been more certain of a few things. As scary as it might be I will not shy away from talking about what is important. Putting this to good effective use is the next step. Being ever mindful!

    As far as the poetry is concerned, I’m going to keep going.
    Not too many people can say they’ve entered a poetry slam competition on foreign soil that’s not in their native tongue, and somehow finished second. I managed to achieve that a few years ago and if that’s as good as it gets, it’s good enough for me.
    For now, there will definitely be new poems, I daresay some oldies reworked, more recitals and who knows what in 2019. A re-issue of my first poetry book ‘FI Blues’? A reflection of the Camino? Anything and everything is possible, really.

    Keep talking people!
    A very Merry Christmas & Happy New Year
    Graeme

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